30 more days.
Guys, that's like, 30 days and 30 nights... but nights go by way too fast and I don't even remember them, so that's like... 30 days. Haha wow, that was lame. You just got a dose of painful-to-sit-through Kenzie humor. I'm sorry for your suffering.
I can hardly believe it. I should be getting myself together by now but I feel like some things don't want to come very easily. Or at all.
I feel like people who are preparing to go on missions always avoid being specific about their "laziness" stage, or as I like to call it, "The-Period-Where-Satan-Really-Cracks-Down-On-You-And-You-Don't-Do-Anything-Productive-For-A-Huge-Chunk-Of-Time" stage. I've decided to be completely honest about my run-in with this occurrence that happens to every preparing missionary: I've
stunk at studying my scriptures and PMG this last month and only picked
it up again last night. That's right, the ENTIRE MONTH. I didn't pick up my scriptures or PMG once. I've become terrible at studying. Satan is definitely picking at me. Obviously, I'm bad at this game.
To you preparing missionaries: YOU WILL HIT THIS ROAD BLOCK. Don't feel like you have to hide the fact that you aren't doing as well as you'd like at the moment. No preparing missionary wants to feel that they failed and no preparing missionary wants to go in feeling like they're not prepared enough. The first step is admitting that you need to better yourself. If you think you're experience is worse than everyone else's, you're kidding yourself. Just because they don't give you the details doesn't mean they only had a teeny-tiny 5 minute session of doubt and then they were done. I guarantee you their struggle lasted a LOT longer than 5 minutes.
After you've admitted and realized that you haven't been doing so hot in whatever situation you are in, decide to do better. You need to make the decision to better yourself. Feel like you're behind on your studying, like me? Decide to do better. Do you feel insecure, like you're the last person in the world who is worthy to teach the Gospel of Christ? Decide to be better. This might sound bad - maybe not- but take heart in the fact that you're not alone in this. Every preparing missionary goes through something similar. It's your choice to act or not.
After you make the decision to be better; better at studying, praying, or just becoming a better person, ask for God's help in the plan you've made for yourself. Today in Sacrament Meeting, a brother in my ward brought up the point in his talk that there is also ENABLING power in the Atonement, not just redeeming power. A lot of the time, I feel like members of the church don't understand the enabling power as well as the redeeming power. We mess up all the time, and through the redeeming power of the Atonement, we can be forgiven. There isn't one of us who can't improve. As an extension, we can become better through the enabling power of the Atonement. Call on God for help - you can. And He will help you. Do your part and He will do His. The Atonement isn't only for sinners - it's for the saints as well.
Don't forget to thank Him for the help He's given you. I realized during my prayers last night that I had forgotten to thank Him for the things He's done for me because I'd asked Him for help. I hadn't been recognizing His hand in my life. Last night I gave him credit for everything - my successes, my family, my progress over the last few months alone, my trials - because everything in my life has come from Him.
I feel like I've fallen behind. But I've made the decision to be better.
You do the same.